B’Day

Thank you for your birthday wishes. Here’s hoping we have a really good Spring. pmg

Clarification?

It is possible to witness without judging…just watch yourself when you’re judging.

We are not our feelings.

What makes us human is that we can ‘see’ ourselves thinking. To point: ‘I think because I am, or I am because I think: I am, because I am aware that I am. Thinking is something I, or rather, my mind does. What about that part of me that can see myseelf think, judge, feel? That part that can witness my existence, my judging.

Fear of helplessness is that fear that I,(this is the mind talking) am not. That I can’t know, or find, or do,  make, or change the course of the universe, or achieve stasis, (immortality). The only immortality I know is what I experience when I experience my connection to all that is.

All that is, is thought, consciousness.

What is a thought? It’s not an idea. Thought gives birth to ideas. If I accept that an ‘idea’ is a charge of electricity/energy,  is it then  measurable matter?What is the difference between a thought and an idea? We might say that ‘thought’ is  the whole of existence. It is beyond measurement in that it is seemless. It is not made up of even the smallest particles. Is it an energy? Could be. What is interesting is that our minds cannot define it or measure it…only experience it. The best our mind can do by way of definition is to use words like God, love, truth, paradise, nirvhana.

Interesting that the human mind has defined ‘hell’ as that place where we find ourselves when we have ‘sinned.’ When I look at the seven sins, they all share in common one thing; the mind’s attempt to quantify, qualify and control our existence in order to assert some sense of power, anything to avoid feeling helpless. Helplessness is an anathema to the mind. Just look at all the ways in which we resist even contemplating it. It makes us angry, fearful, covetous, jealous, slothful, greedy, along with the rest of the aforesaid sins. We suffer from them and our minds envision a ‘place’ called hell to which we may go, or heaven if we follow the ‘rules.’ However, just as the mind can’t define thought, only experience it, how is it that the mind comes  up with the ‘idea’ of hell. It comes up with it because it experiences it…here, now, in this life that we spend so much time trying to control. The notion that hell, or heaven is a place ‘beyond’ to which we go after we die is the minds’ way of dealing with defining heaven and hell as some vague place that we can only know through ‘faith.’ Do this, practice that, believe what is taught and you will have faith…or so we’re told and threatened with punishment if we don’t.

How does the mind define faith? Isn’t faith something we feel…we experience?  And when we experience it, our minds describe it as freedom, ecstacy, love…But those are only words, because they may evoke feelings, but the thing that saves us is the experience of faith. We can’t define it. Describe it, yes.  Define it, no.

So if the mind’s strong suit is its ability to define, measure, etc…and it can’t define faith, only describe it. If its definition of ‘hell’ is to describe roasting in hell forever and ever…which, by the way is the epitome of helplessness, and its definition of heaven is a place we go to ‘after,’ which, in all honesty is at best a guess, (unless we acquire that thing called ‘faith’), then maybe all this story-telling and hypothesizing is a vain, (read: narcissistic) and futile attempt of the mind to get some control over that which it has no control; the experience of being.

So we experience on two levels:

1) We experience our existence through our senses; feel, sound, smell, sight…and, yes,  thinking, or the interpretation, description and measurement of what our senses tell us.

2) Our innate ability as humans to witness/see ourselves doing all this.

And when we witness, when we go to that place of awareness and recognize that we are not what we are experiencing through our senses, but rather there is another part/place in or of us that can see us experiencing this sensation and thought, and when we recognize from that place that we have a choice as to how we’re going to react, nor not react, (witness), then we experience something that is beyond our senses, beyond our thoughts. Something that is free off all of that. Something bigger…a ‘body’ of thought?

And that feels good. For a while, then we wrestle with our minds until we remember to re-attache, (re-member, as in; my arm is a ‘member ‘of my body and when I remember, I re-attache my arm to the rest of my body), and when we re-attache to that place of awareness, we rediscover the experience of belonging to something greater and we feel good again…until…

The waves come in, they go out. The moon waxes and wanes, the universe expands and contracts, our breath comes and it goes, as does our existence in these bodies. The constant is ‘change,’ and we swing like a pendulum from heaven to hell, back and forth and back again;  from our experience of being part of something that never dies, to our mind’s obsession with finding some control, some ‘understanding,’ some way to know and in ‘knowing,’ maintain the illusion of power over our existence.

We are in that we can see that we are.

Isness  is.

If it’s all the same to you, let’s not split the difference.

Wow. Lots of interesting conversations, poetry,  new arrivals to the blog; Ms Hand and Ms Foot. Thanks for the birthday wishes. Doing a lot of meditating.

There’s one thing I find constantly interesting in reading these blogs and seeing how you respond to my ramblings, and I’m most impressed by all of our abilities to selectively read, or in plain words, see only what we want to see, hear what we want to hear.  When I am working on my book, I am amazed by what I don’t see when I read it. That is to say, unless I read it aloud and to someone, I know there are things I’ll miss time and again. Why is that? Part of it is because our pal the mind believes it’s already read it and there goes your focus and things gett passed over, etc.

Then, I ask; why can’t the all-talented brain, see something being said that is particularly uncomfortable for it, even threatening, and modify the offending idea so that it can be more comfortable. Editing, (‘read censoring’) on the fly by the subconscious.

Antidote? Reread aloud, preferably to someone else.

In this case, it is an interesting challenge to try to share something I have learned to experience that defies explanation. The mind can’t ‘grok’ it, plain and simple. And what’s also interesting is this ‘journey’ or meditation that I have learned that uses the power of the mind to do what it is best equipped to do, to focus on awareness, on that place of consciousness and from that place, experience the fear that lives in all our lives albeit damned and denied, and make the choice to be compassionate to ourselves in this amazing struggle called being human.

Here’s the trick: When we practice awareness of our existence in thoughts, feelings, sensations, try not to judge. Witness, but don’t judge. The minute you judge, your mind is having its way with you and you begin to identify with that judgement. Like that is ‘who’  you are. I hate this, love that, believe this, know that, own this, have power over that….all those become very vain efforts on behalf of your mind to quantify and qualify, define ‘who’ you are.

But are those things ‘who’  you are? No. They represent who parts of you are that have been conditioned by society, family, generational genetic disposition to react.

But they are no more ‘who’ you are than your screaming toe when you stub it on a doorsill.

The mind is equipped, using only a very small percentage of the brain to do two things: One is control, as in evaluating, knowing things, measuring, listing things to believe in…and the thing that’s so important to the mind is that it maintain this control, this power, because to be helpless is an anathema to the mind. It defines its very existance by what it can ‘do.’ To be helpless is death. (It is interesting to note here that even though I pointed out twice that our fear is not of death, but of our helplessness in the face of death, some bloggers continued to miss that distinction. A really important distinction, and missed I believe, because the mind wants no truck at all with even a discussion of ‘helplessness,’ unless it can reassert a belief or an action that proves that it is not, in fact…’in fact,’ helpless.

The only other  thing the mind is capable of doing (again, with only a small percentage of the brain), is to focus on what is, the present, the here and now. How focus? Simply by practicing awareness. What is happening right now? No judgement, or when there is you can actually note;’Look at that….I’m judging.’  And the reason you’re judging is that the mind doesn’t want to just be and observe its existence. It wants, needs to DO. And that’s how we’re trained.

So, what’s the point of this ‘consciousness?’ This ‘aware place and all this witnessing without judgement. Does it feed or clothe me? Can I taste, own, collect, buy and sell it?

Well, here’s the thing. When you are perceiving your existance: thoughts, feelings, sensations inside and outside of  your physical being, you are practicing your unique and god-like power of humanity, consciousness. And from that place,  you can see all these experiences as happening to part(s) of you and when you do that, you realize that you have the power of choice, you aren’t helpless, and you can choose to honor, have compassion for, yes, love youself in  your courageous journey through change and into death.

When we can acknowledge our mind’s fear of helplessness, we can choose to see it from our conscious place and remind us of our capacity for love.

On the other hand, if we don’t or are unable to acknowledge our mind’s fear of helplessness manifested in our daily lives any time we can’t control or know something, (knowing being another form of control), then we create patterns of behavior that defend against the fear of helplessness. So we have opinions, beliefs, biases, etc because our minds tell us that is how we are to know who we are…and in that knowledge there is power. How much power? Enough to find immortality?

I don’t spend the day asking what I’m afraid of, or looking under every nook and cranny for the old bugger. As my life has turned out, I’ve been introduced to a degree of helplessness that, in order to not self-destruct, I either was going to be a victim/bitter old man, or find my heart. When I learned about how to identify my fear of helplessness beneath my rage, sorrow, and pain, when I learned that I wasn’t those emotions or the thoughts that came with them, and that I could use their presence,( oftentimes so subtle as to be deniable) to find compassion for myself and by extension my fellow human, then I began to see all the ways in which the world around me was avoiding its fear and acting out its attempt to assert control. Most commonly  through denial.

“I am so angry I could…”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I’M NOT AFRAID, I’M ANGRY!!”     is an example of denial, because if you played ‘Twenty Questions’ with what’s making you angry, you’ll eventually arrive at ‘helpless.’

Another example of denial is seeing what we, (our minds) are comfortable with acknowledging. Reading what’s really there. All of it. (Assuming the person writing it is being clear enough – an ongoing challenge for me).I can do that maybe 20 % of the time.

As to the discussion of ‘same’ being more difficult to find than ‘different;’  What I”m trying to say here, is that while the mind finds its power, or illusion of power in its ability to quantify/qualify…judge…and maintains a fantasy, an ideal of sameness and always seeks it, (ergo our creation of the KEN and BARBY love fest), the mind holds that as a belief it can have control over only through judging. The irony is that only when the mind’s power is focused from that conscious place or awareness without judging, only then can we feel in our entire being the event of our sameness, that we’re all one. Not as an idea that the mind can romanticize about, write poetry, plays,songs, religions about, but rather as a known sensation that we feel when we are being love. (I have nothing against poetry, songs, etc…all story telling by the mind that glorifies in the best sense of the word our ability to love. The paradox is that while the mind can speak about it, paint it, sing of it, etc…it can’t, with its ‘power’ ever really know it…as in ‘define it,’ but can only experience it in the surrender to ‘being,’ and not the obsession of ‘doing.’)

In that our minds use such a small portion of our brain and ninety-nine percent of the time use it to create the illusion of power, it is therefore understandable that we would navigate our way though the crowd that is our fellow man and, while paying heed to the fantasy of sameness, seek difference as a way to establish sameness. As opposed to not going the ‘judgment’ route and experiencing sameness, one-ness, God, love….in the way in which we are all irrevocably similar, beneath all the differences.

pmg

Hello…

Well, first of all I want to thank all of you who have sent birthday wishes in advance of

my date of birth. I feel good about this birthday.  ‘Chrystallia is coming along. ‘Hope sooner than later. I hate to be vague, but the further along in this process I get, the further there is to go. Which isn’t bad at all when you consider that process is everything and while the result may be gratifying, (or not) for my ego, the true joy is in the creating. Therefore, I am giving myself as much time as I need to get it right. I believe it is that valuable a story for us to share. So, please be patient.

I have also heard rumblings of my blogging habits. While I would very much like to accomodate a schedule of frequency, that’s not who I am. I write as it moves me, but I’m here and I know your there and I don’t have any plans on going anywhere. I’ll  not forget, but there’s every possibility that’ll I’ll be late, (or early, depending on the person).

See that? Pretty fast, huh?

So I’m wondering about how living things communicate. There’s definitely an exchange in vibration that occurs, Then there are sounds created and languages formed of those sounds.

Different languages. The languages create sounds of their own as they’re interpreted in so many ways through so much emotion. The complexity of language is a mirror to the complexity of our emotions. It’s also the way in which we try to learn to listen to what we mean when we say  what we say.

In a room filled with English speaking people from a block on the street you grew up on, the appearance of communication on so many levels is, in truth, gratifying for a fleeting moment. Then your auditory senses immediately upload to the keenest level of their ability to read intention, fear, or seduction in a voice. Because one word can be said so, so many ways. You may not know what you’re hearing subconciously.

Interesting notion; the sound(s) we do not hear…or don’t think we hear and most of the time don’t even listen for. Its  like ‘the tree falls in the forest…’…if you don’t see it happen, or hear it happen, then…did it happen at all?

I believe it happened, even if only as far as an idea happens. At least on this dimension, we know that an idea is energy that is manifested in an electrical pulse organized by your brain so that you can quantify the ‘reality’ of the ideas’ existence, or do everything in your power to deny it even exists.

In other words, all existence being composed of thought/consciousness, having a thought, or an idea is to even the smallest degree a cognisant manifestation of energy. It exists.

Anything the human mind can imagine exists on some dimension. Why? Because we’re all part of the whole of everything, which at our most primal level we know to be true, because everything is part of us and we are part of everything.

However, it’s easier to find difference than similarity. We covet that person, color, occassion, smell, addiction to power who best mirrors ours. She’s our dream girl, he’s our dream boy…Ken and Barb….

We spend the majority of our energy finding our differences. Why? Because first of all, our mind believes it is important. Very important. “I like to smell the leather before I buy it,” it says with heartfelt sincerity and believing every word of it, proud to be in control of everything everywhere, or at least proud to think that it could be in control….

It’s very comforting for the mind to apply differences. It’s right in its wheelhouse. And there’s so much to do! So many evaluations and definitions, likes, dislikes, do’s, don’ts,  this ‘type’ of person to love, that to hate. Learn as much as we can so we can someday bring Mother Nature to our knee,…I mean, there’s a lot and still more! The sky? The universe is the limit!

This is the way the mind thinks and does everything in it’s power to support and recreate that illusion that it can do anything, know anything…even when the fact that our bodies fail us and we leave this life still lurks in the shadows of our mind, always threatening to come out.

Difference to the mind isn’t candy. It’s heroin. To find similarity is, as far as the all powerful mind is concerned, is counter productive…(I’d say ‘counter-intuitive’ except the mind…yours and mine, has very strict rules regarding intuition, or sixth sense and quickly relegates all of that ‘unknowable’ stuff to the category of ‘what we’ll master some day, eventually’…control,control,control).

To find similarity, the mind must find how another mind is similar and the result is usually a perceived complete likeness, a la the love story of all time and the ensuing and all consuming drive to identify anything or anybody that threatens what the mind has interestingly identified as our ‘unique similarity,’ and either change them or own them and do what  you will with them.

Because the mind does not really like similarity, especialy similarity with seniority. the mind’s very existence, as far as it knows is entirely dependent on its ability to control, know,  be able to find, build, destroy, grow, and even approximate love is within its reach. There is no reason to ‘not know.’

Interesting that my mind would think of there being ‘no reason to not know.’ Interesting in that it seeks a ‘reason,’ as if knowing or not knowing is part of its kingdom.

Especially reading this, you get a good sense of how devious the mind can be. It can’t sit still. ‘Hates anthything it cannot sense, measure and control and therefore either subtley or overtly defends against it.

And how lucky are we that we have this thing called ‘consciousness?’ Where we can sit back and watch the show, take in a film.’This is your life__________________________  (Did you fill in  your name?)

We have this amazing ability to watch ourselves exist. See ourselves, hear ourselves, watch ourselves feel, and think. We have this clear, clear window into our mind that we can choose to look through or not. We can see and feel what feels good and what doesn’t, what is  our fear, to experience our courage and find compassion for ouerselves in our struggle and compassion for (yes, similarity) our selves in others.

There it is again: We’re all one.

To be conscious is, in truth to be with God, truth, love. It is our most sacred gift recieved from our own great power of consciousness and we have an obligation to pursue it, know it, and yes, love it. An obligation to our selves and everything that is a part of our selves, and all that is a part of everything that is.

pmg

Contemplate that. Everything is apart of me and I am a part of everything. (Don’t read any further. Just take a moment and contemplate that thought.  See where it takes you.)

————-

I like the act of contemplation, where you can allow yourself to let go of the where and when of it all and just sit with a thought and the endless broods of thoughts that come with it.

Another favorite contemplation is:  Find that place where thought becomes matter.

The only thing I can absolutely, positively and completely promise you is this; when you contemplate that place where thought becomes matter…you ARE in that place, you ARE the place.